Post-grad life has been feeling pretty monotonous lately, but the sense of dread I’ve been carrying for the past few months keeps creeping closer. Not having a solid plan after graduation has really been kicking my butt. I’ve been looking at job listings, but not many feel like the right fit. I’m either underqualified or just not interested. I’ve put so much time and effort into my work, and I want to find something that makes it all feel worth it—but right now, the job market isn’t giving me much hope. I still have a passion for creating, but I want to find something that truly fits.

My Walmart hours are doubling next week, and I know it’s going to feel rough. As a self-proclaimed Walmart hater, I surprisingly didn’t mind the job too much—because I knew it was only temporary. But right now, it’s starting to feel like a dead end. Maybe I’m just consuming too much content about post-grad depression and the tough job market, but it’s hard to stay positive.

What if I want to move to Sioux City to be closer to my boyfriend? I’ve looked, but I haven’t seen any good job postings there. I don’t want to feel like I have to choose between doing what I love and moving somewhere that doesn’t offer opportunities in my field.

That said, when I think about the things I love besides design, I think about thrifting, crocheting, and listening to music. But during this “post-grad blues” phase, I’ve been doing all of that less and less. It’s like I’ve dug myself into a hole I don’t know how to climb out of.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what fulfillment looks like to me. I see it in different forms—career-based, non-career-based, and a mix of both. I’ve never been someone who’s super career-driven, and I’ve had a hard time accepting that lately. It’s made me feel like I can’t take myself as seriously as some of my classmates. Saying “I’m going where the wind takes me” might sound silly out loud, but it’s how I’ve always lived. I still believe there’s a plan for me, even if I don’t know what it is yet.

I’m tired of the environment I’m in. I feel like moving somewhere new could help me reset—but even that feels overwhelming. I imagine my dream life a little differently every day, depending on what happens and what challenges I’m facing. Right now, the vision I keep coming back to is living in Sioux City, being closer to my family and boyfriend, and finding fulfillment through my personal hobbies. Since the job listings there aren’t promising, I’ve started looking elsewhere too.

Whatever path I end up on, I know I’ll always find a way to create. The skills I gained in school have given me new ways to express myself, and that won’t go away. What’s best for me right now is to stay optimistic and open-minded. Even if I don’t have everything figured out, I trust that I’ll land where I’m meant to be.